You can learn so much just from reading your e-mail. For instance, did you know that “it is now quick, easy and inexpensive for you to permanently achieve the bust line you’ve always wanted”? Well it is! If “S. Sanders” is no longer embarrassed to change at the gym, why should you be? And with that increased bust size, isn’t now the perfect opportunity to “get involved with the $35 billion dollar a year adult XXX industry”? Maybe then you’ll be able to afford to refinance your dream home, buy that herbal penis enlargement treatment you’ve had your eye on, and double your life insurance policy at no extra cost! What fun!

Why doesn’t anybody I know ever send me e-mail? C’mon, even dead people don’t have an excuse anymore!