Today, I mailed out contributor and subscriber copies of the latest issue of Kaleidotrope. I got a haircut. I cleaned a little. I wrote a little. I saw a little bit of the royal wedding, on repeat, finding myself more interest in the architectural grandeur of Westminster Abbey itself than any of the rest of it. (I wasn’t able to go inside when I was in England.) And I watched Birdemic: Shock and Terror, although I don’t think I could have made it through the film with a little help from RiffTrax.
So that was my Saturday.
Even with the Rifftrax, I barely made it through Birdemic. Oh, my god, most of that movie wasn’t even bad. It was like being trapped on the phone with my mother when she’s in one of those moods where she wants to tell me everything she did with her day in excruciating detail, only worse, because it’s not even my mother.
Oh, man, my brain still hurts from that experience.
It was remarkably awful, though not in as fun a way as some bad movies — like The Room, for instance. Were it not for RiffTrax and the distractions of Twitter, I don’t think I would have survived it.
Yeah, it’s not fun at all, even in that bad-movie way, except for a few brief moments when the birds are actually attacking. Those moments were kind of hilarious — I mean, those were some very, very “special” effects — but they’re not worth sitting through 45 minutes of some guy driving around in his car doing nothing in particular for. Which is what I meant by “not even bad“: it doesn’t even manage to achieve bad movie status, just tedious movie status.
Funnily enough, when I called it probably the worst and most painful movie experience I have ever had, my friends insisted that was only because I hadn’t yet seen The Room. I don’t believe them.
Oh, The Room is terrible, but entertainingly so. Birdemic falls more on the Manos end of the spectrum, depressing and tedious; Tommy Wiseau is more the romantic love story’s Ed Wood. I own a copy of the DVD, and it’s actually funny (though awful) without the RiffTrax.