Knowing is half the battle

Even though I got up pretty early this morning — well, before 9 is early-ish for a Saturday, right? — I didn’t do a whole lot with the day. I thought I might go see Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, but I ended up not. This evening, though, I did watch the live-action G.I. Joe movie, and…well, maybe I should just let the record of my live-tweeting of the movie speak for itself:

  • And now, even though I am almost certain to regret it, I’m going to watch the live-action G.I. Joe.
  • It’s starting with trailers for The Last Airbender and Transformers 2. This can’t end well.
  • “In the not too distant future”? Is this MST3K?
  • You know, with Eccleston’s Scottish accent, it just might be.
  • There is no CGI in Team.
  • Channing Tatum isn’t exactly what I’d call an electrifying screen presence.
  • Is Brendan Fraser legally required to be in every movie with CGI?
  • I didn’t think it was possible, but this may be *more* cartoonish than the original.
  • Oh good. For a minute there I was worried there wouldn’t be any jetpacks.
  • Aw, Lil Storm Shadow vs. Lil Snake Eyes.
  • When the smartest guy in the room is Marlon Wayans, be afraid.
  • This movie has almost as many unearned emotional moments and pointless flashbacks as it does things blowing up real good.
  • Oh, they must be in France. They nearly ran down a mime in a beret.
  • I am sort of wondering when the movie based on G.I. Joe begins.
  • Oh, the Baroness just made a man lose his balloons. She *is* evil.
  • Oh good. More Jim Henson’s Angry Ninja Babies.
  • These flashbacks belong in a movie where we care about the characters.
  • A movie with robot sharks under the polar ice caps should be more fun than this.
  • And shorter.
  • So, Joseph Gordon-Levitt *can* give a bad performance just like everybody else.
  • I’m going to go out on a limb and say this isn’t a terrible movie. But only because I’m not convinced it *is* a movie.
  • It’s more like a computer-generated string of pure ridiculousness.
  • The plane only speaks Celtic. Of course.
  • I wish Storm Shadow had taken a vow of silence too.
  • “My green screen can beat up your green screen.”
  • Christopher Eccleston would make a good Groundskeeper Willie.
  • “Muhahaha! You and what army?” “MY army.” Yeah, that really just happened.
  • And of course it ends with a Black Eyed Peas song.
  • Not with a bang, but with a whimpering will i am.
  • The movie had a production accountant named Gene Strange. That may be my favorite thing about it.
  • I did not hate that movie. It was too far beyond dumb to elicit any kind of emotional response whatsoever.
  • “American Humane Association monitored some of the animal action. No animals were harmed in those scenes.” All the rest, though…
  • How is “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” not on @rifftrax?
  • Who could have guessed, when The Mummy first came out, that it would mark the *high* point in Stephen Sommers’ pursuit of realism?

I can’t claim to have enjoyed the movie, but I did have fun poking at it. I would seriously rent the movie again if it was available on Rifftrax. But otherwise, I don’t think I want to go anywhere near it again.

Otherwise, it was a pretty boring day, hanging around the house, going for a walk, reading some Kaleidotrope slush. Just a typical Saturday.